How to know when you need help
In the aftermath of trauma, everything is different. It’s disorienting at best. So this week we are going to talk about how to know if you’re at a point where you need help (and what kind) so you can go and get it before things get worse.
There are many reasons why people are afraid to come forward in the aftermath of trauma to seek help. They might be afraid of being viewed as weak, they may fear they won’t be believed, that it will be minimized, that people will think they’re damaged or cr*zy. If you fear any of those things, chances are you don’t feel completely safe in your current environment, you harbor subconscious feelings that are going to make healing really hard, and/or you probably won’t make much, if any at all, progress while spinning your wheels.
pink peg board that reads ‘don’t panic’
In order to know when you need help you need to understand the process. Events can be ‘potentially traumatic’ meaning that across the spectrum of experience if you go through this you are likely to have a predictable set of symptoms and outcomes that will impact your daily life.
However, if you get the support you need in the beginning, then the chances you experience negative outcomes are drastically decreased.
And a lot of the necessary support just comes from being in good community and being allowed to fall apart so you can put yourself back together in safety.
If you are in the immediate aftermath of trauma, you deserve all the help you can get. People should surround you and comfort you. They should tend to your needs even if they seem silly in the moment. Ideally, your daily duties would be wiped off your slate until you felt comfortable enough to carry on. Unfortunately, that is not an option for many people, so the best you can do is manage the outcomes of what comes next.
pile of calendar sheets strewn about
If after about a month (if the brain is going to calm without assistance, it’ll usually happen by then) you are still experiencing the likes of the following:
Flashbacks
Night terrors
Anxiety dumps
Vivid triggers
Inability to control emotions
Hypervigilance
etc
then is it time to seek assistance. At first, look around online at research (real research) or talk to other people you trust with a shared experience to see what helped them. From there you’ll start to get an idea of what therapies exist to help your struggle. Usually, if you’re struggling past this point you just need a knowing and gentle guiding hand who can help keep you pointed in the direction of healing and adjustment while reassuring you that everything will be okay.
The options are vast so you want to choose wisely because this is an investment in your well-being. It’s better to find a good fit at the beginning than it is to have to rehash everything in six months because this just wasn’t what you needed. All (okay, most) the different therapies have their strengths, just be sure to read real-life experiences of the people who have been through them. Some therapies are for people who are headstrong and plow through things while others are for people who really need their hand held. Neither method is superior, it depends on who you are and what happened to you.
several dice in the air
It’s not easy to admit your need help and ask for it even at the best of times for some people, so this can be so much worse. There is so much riding on the line and with tensions so high, it can be hard to know who to ask or what to do if their response leaves you devastated. Having been through this myself, I started with the people closest to me, but they were no use because they were a part of the problem themselves and unwilling to change. Eventually, I had to reach to the edges of my social network but was happy to find there were people who were good people, who were willing to extend a hand to someone in a moment of need. I’ve never known how to respond to those people except to just understand that’s who I hope to be when called upon.
If there is one lesson at this stage, it’s to keep asking until you find someone who cares enough. There are lots of people who don’t care, a lot of people who care but don’t have the bandwidth, but if you keep trying, you will find someone who can help. There is much to be discovered about yourself as you heal. Trauma does bring us expanded perspective, both of the world and of the capacity of our brains. There will be new things to learn about yourself and your capacities as you grow. That is life.
a serene lake with trees and sky
