Duty, honor, and dissociation

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations in life that require we display character. Sometimes we just can’t yet. Being unable to stay in your body to do the work is a descriptor of what is happening then, but it is not your destiny or an excuse to not do the work to stay present. You still have to show up in your own life so you can act right when needed by those you love.

large lit question mark

There may come a time to every duty when you have to question it. We make promises with the best of intentions, we swear ourselves to higher forces with all the will we can muster. But sometimes we have to grow to see we were wrong and where we must make a change. Whether it be a marriage vow, people who invested in us, a family member, or your oldest friend, sometimes people will push you too far and you have to return to stasis, you.

It would be so lovely if things always worked out the way we hoped but then there would be no growth, nothing to remind us of why this is all worthwhile. There are many definitions of the word duty, but the one that best applies to healthy human adaptation is the one that discusses “the service required under specified conditions” which is classified as a work definition. Relationships require work and are not stagnant.

two paths in the grassy forest

It can be a hard thing to accept as the person who realizes a relationship has grown stagnant. Oftentimes people bring it up and try to change to be met with resistance or inadequate effort by the other party which reinforces the initial betrayal and causes intolerable tension. In these cases, it becomes a betrayal to the self to continue staying attached to someone who does not value you to your standards. It becomes impossible to grow. These things happen sometimes. You are under no obligation to stay committed to a system that does not meet the “specific conditions” of what you agreed to in the first place.

a white knight, about to be taken out

Honor has a few definitions, but the ones I would like to focus on here are fulfilling an obligation or keeping an agreement or something regarded as a rare opportunity, a privilege and pleasure. When you have the opportunity to do both at the same time, the Universe is speaking to you. It means that you should pay attention and use the opportunity to its full potential.

Getting close to people is an honor for a reason. This type of intimacy comes with a great cost. It can be very harmful to a person’s health, especially if they have a history of being abused. If you are granted this honor in the form of access to someone, it is best to act with honor to be decent. If the situation changes, honor dictates that you still find a way to fulfill your responsibilities and not leave harm where you were trusted to enter.

To disassociate from someone is different from the word dissociation where you flee your present body to seek safety. Disassociation is about cutting people off, something that from a decolonized perspective is a betrayal if there has been no harm done and no attempt to work through the issue because in interdependent societies you cannot treat each other as disposable. If you are going to draw lines of such potential violence, you have to be so sure that you are justified, or it will haunt you.

a knot on a sail boat

When you make a promise, you need to honor it as best you can, that is duty. The Universe and people have ways of getting even. The longer one waits to right their wrongs, the more twisted their tangled web becomes.

Dissociation is often what causes people to be incapable of facing their life. It is a sign that the pain is so profound that it cannot be faced.

If you cannot find enough solid ground to stay present in your life, maybe it is high time that you reconsidered your duty and honor to yourself and Creator. You must find your way to disassociation from the people who keep you hostage.  Or you will pay for it with your Soul.

a leather suitcase on the road