Having A Feeling, Operating Within The Law, Being Good Enough
lines in the sand in a topographical pattern
We have all had a feeling that caused us to walk away from a hard situation doing less than we wish we could. Often, we draw this line lest we find ourselves staring down the law, charged with being the one out of line because the way this system works. It is always hard to do and leaves you wondering if there were more you could have done because there are real harms we wish to prevent.
Every day we have to make choices about what we will tolerate and stand by for. In these changing days of revolution, it can be hard to get your footing, but that is why we have these talks, huh?
line of lego heads making faces
Having a feeling does not mean you get to act on it. While feelings may be valid, that just means they are sound to you. When a trauma victim is triggered, it is valid and correct that they pay attention to and honor the valuable signals the body is sending about what it is experiencing. That does not mean that the trauma victim is justified in staying home and avoiding everything forever. That is not the message even though it may seem to be. The message is that the body has not been successfully supported in returning to and remaining in stasis following a traumatic stress. The answer is not to shut down, but to seek connection and support in learning how to use the body’s systems again with people who can facilitate that journey with love, tenderness, and skill.
a page of a book open to ‘the reading of the law"‘
Operating within the law is a good ideal for living in a society, but as you find yourself waking up to the idea you are living in a 250-year-old colonial project, you may realize that you don’t agree with the law when the law serves to hold you down. You’d be amazed how often people come to therapy ready to talk about how the system is their problem. People know the law is at odds with their ability to live a good life. Our founding documents instruct us to rebel in times like this. Operating within the law is not the highest ideal. So when those times come and you have to make choices to protect you and yours, you may find yourself feeling some sort of way.
gavel on $100 bills
When you find yourself on the other side of the law feeling as if you have done something wrong, just stop and consider that maybe you are and always have been enough and that the system is what failed you because it was designed to. If we are to be healthy, it will come after we decolonize the systems that led us to this place.
blue flowers blooming in the sunset
I find myself repeating a story with everyone at some point in therapy. You know Maslow? He stole it all from Indigenous Americans. Then because he was not interested in the development of souls, but rather on the documentation of them for the use of corporate interests, he ignored the teachings of self-actualization and did the whole process backwards because he comes from a culture that glorifies doing everything in the most obtuse way until there are no other options left and only the right one remains.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by the fact you are a citizen of this country these days, remember, you were born to try, try, try again. It is in your blood. How many rounds it takes to get it right, that is up to you.
